Bereft, facing an entire week or so without the deathless poetry of "our Alpha Sig little sisters," I tore open the Tuesday, March 3 Collegian, thinking "At least I have Larry!" Sure enough, I wasn't disappointed.

No matter how horribly my week is going, I know that Mr. Ott's trials will be even worse. Some days, he realizes that his goverment takes about three cents of his tax money per year and uses it to fund art that he doesn't like as well as pictures of scantily clad women in beer ads. Then there are those problems with his apartment. He has to pay rent, for heaven's sake, and the place is still in the same condition it was when he saw it last spring. Aren't landlords supposed to do something about that sort of thing without the tenants having to go through the hassle of asking about it when they move in?

As I mentioned, I wasn't disappointed in Larry's column this week, either. I could almost see his eyes glazing and feel his bewilderment, as he realized that the car he had parked illegally mere hours ago had, of all things, been towed to Bellefonte, a full 600 miles away! The insensitive antics of "Booger," the government flunky who removed his car, merely reinforced the fact that Mr. Ott has once again been "wronged, violated, discriminated against" by "unfair parking practices" that reserve apartment parking spaces for residents who pay for them and leave residential neighborhoods clear for residents at night. Nor did the University prove a haven for Larry's car, though we all know they should "use the space that is currently stagnant and use it."I believe that, like Ann and Abby's columns, Larry Ott's pieces should become a daily morning ritual for all newspaper readers. Perhaps it could be expanded to an advice column format, and Larry could show his readers how to face a cold, hard world where you have to look at things you don't like, pay rent and power bills, and even park your car. But in the meantime, I'll be happy to swap my Al Michaels collection for his nude John Madden photos anyday!