It's the average home of an American middle class family. The telephone rings. A distinguished man picks up the receiver, listens and smiles.

"Last year over 50,000 women found homes for their unexpected children." The man turns to his wife and says, "We have a daughter." She smiles.

The narration fades in again. "They decided instead of abortion, to tough it out and bring their babies into this world. They held to their belief that nothing is more precious than human life. To all these mothers, the families who adopted all these babies wish to say thanks . . ."

This "public service announcement" offers as helpful a solution to the problem of unplanned pregnancy as "Just Say No" does to drug abuse. It simply belittles the physical and emotional experience of millions of women who have abortions every year.

Adoption is always given as the perfect solution to an unplanned pregnancy. Has anyone thought about the millions of children who don't get adopted every year? I don't exactly see the white middle-class couple in that ad adopting a baby that's not of European descent or a baby born with birth defects because a young mother couldn't afford prenatal care. I'm sure if a sequel to this wonderful scenario were produced, it would show a healthy, happy, white baby in the arms of its new loving mother with dad smiling happily over her shoulder.

On any given day, you can find a notice in the classified section of this newspaper: "Loving, married, secure caucasian couple wants to give your newborn a warm and happy home . . ." I wonder what their response would be to a newborn black baby, if I were to call them.

If adoption is the solution for some women, that's fine. Don't offer it as the most obvious and perfect decision for all women. It's not. Too many babies that are not healthy enough -- or white enough -- can be found as toddlers and teen-agers in foster care facilities and orphanages. I don't think adoption was the perfect solution for them.

The above commercial implies that women who decide to have abortions take the easy way out. Let's discuss what exactly "toughing it out" really means.

This is not a decision based on a whim, as the latest and surely the least sensitive commercial depicts. Many women who have never given any thought to such a decision, find themselves faced with a life-changing choice. It is based on many long nights of thought. The thoughts center around what kind of life a woman -- uneducated, unemployed and unskilled -- can offer a child. I've heard the questions. How can I support a child? What can I offer a child right now when I'm not through with school? Who will help me? Am I ready to be a mother?

Having witnessed the tears and confusion, I can't help but be pro-choice. Having watched the shocked realization of a positive pregnancy test register on a woman's face, I can't feel anything but relief that options exist -- for the moment.

The decision is not an easy one. The medical procedure adds humiliation and degradation to the process. Who decided that abortion has to be the cold, sterile, and painful process that it is? Most centers don't allow a friend, boyfriend or relative to be present to lend support. Most doctors have not received formal training in abortion techniques because abortion was illegal when they were in medical school. Many centers use only local anesthesia instead of full sedation for the procedure. A woman laying awake on an operating table can still feel what is being done to her.

This experience is surgery, why isn't it treated that way? Many physicians don't even explain the procedure. Fear of the unknown itself produces pain. The mindset seems to be one of a woman paying for a simple -- though life-changing -- mistake in her own pain.

It doesn't stop there. I don't know one woman who has had an abortion who doesn't think about the experience. Many women will never stop thinking about the "what ifs . . ." But many more are thankful for the chance to decide if they wanted to be mothers.

Some women will never forget the experience. Our society sees abortion as a crime -- even before it has become one, if that is to be the case. Women who have abortions are made to feel guilty for their decisions to terminate their pregnancies. Our society brands a burning stigma on women who have abortions and scorns them.

After watching women live through the decision making, the medical procedure and the afterthoughts, whether they be regrets or relief, that don't go away for a long, long time. I don't see how anyone would make the choice to have an abortion lightly. "Toughing it out" includes living through the degradation of the abortion process.

In the midst of the ever-present debate on the legality of abortion, the woman experiencing it gets lost. Who is thinking about how she feels? Who is providing funds for women to receive adequate counseling before and after abortions?

In the middle of the argument over when life begins and in what trimester abortion should be illegal, millions of women are not receiving adequate contraceptive information to reduce the number of unexpected pregnancies. Instead of providing sex education and condoms in schools, people delude themselves despite the facts. The average 14-year-old is having sex -- with or without the education and the condom.

Pro-choice and pro-life supporters alike need to acknowledge the nameless, faceless woman caught between their opposing views. More research should be done to find a completely safe and effective contraceptive method. Without that, the debate on abortion will never end. It is a cause-effect situation, but the blame, thought and debate always center on the effect.

A woman never knows with complete certainty what she will do if faced with the decision of what to do about an unplanned pregnancy. I'm just thankful for the choice that exists right now. I believe in reproductive freedom and family. I am pro-choice, not pro-abortion.

Abortion is a personal choice, let's leave it that way.