The Digital Collegian - Published independently by students at Penn State
NEWS
[ Thursday, Nov. 7, 1991 ]
 
Cohabitation: Good or bad?
Opposite sex roommates learn to deal with conflicts

Collegian Features Writer

Decorated with woven Peruvian rugs and perfumed with the odor of brewing coffee, the first floor of a house on East Prospect Street is home to Annie McGarvey and Joe DeWalle.

Like most roommates, they share a kitchen, family room and bathroom. Unlike most roommates, they share the same bed.

DeWalle and McGarvey had been going out for four and some years before they decided to move in together last fall. The two viewed moving in as a sort of test to see if they could live together.

"Of course, the fact that we thought it would be fun was the primary motivation. But it seemed like a natural progression," said McGarvey (senior-psychology).

And they said they were aware of and discussed potential problem areas, like DeWalle's messiness, before moving in together.

Two people in a relationship living together can create stress, said Deb Hamilton, a conflict management specialist at the University's Center for Conflict Management.

"If any two people are in a relationship are living together off campus, if they have a problem, they have the constriction of a lease. You don't have the ability to go home and cool off, away from the other person," Hamilton said.

In their first apartment, they had an extra room where DeWalle could put all his "junk." No one ever went in it, McGarvey said.

Both expected the change in lifestyle to be for the better, and it has, they said.

"I expected it would make me happy to come home to someone I love, not just like," McGarvey said.

As far as parental consent, both said their parents initially questioned the purpose of living together, but became supportive after realizing they were going to do it anyhow.

"My mom was worried at first that it would put too much stress on our relationship and we would lose each other," McGarvey said.

But, McGarvey and DeWalle said they've gotten to know each other more intimately through the experience of living together.

"All the things you don't know about the other person you find out," said DeWalle (senior-geology).

And the move required adjustment on both parts. In addition to McGarvey becoming more relaxed and DeWalle more helpful, both have learned other things, she said.

"The thing that took adjusting to was when you live with someone you see them in all states. Sometimes they may need to ignore you. You can't take things as personally," McGarvey said.

Things are put into perspective, both said. They don't dwell on little things as they did before they lived together, she added.

DeWalle said one thing he learned by living with McGarvey is to "do your dishes as you go."

The two share food expenses, but McGarvey said DeWalle often eats more than his share.

"If he eats more than half, I'll say OK, you've had your half, now leave me mine," she added, laughing.

While McGarvey and DeWalle live alone, Vicki Glembocki and her boyfriend Cole Hons live with two other female housemates. They share expenses and eat the same food, although the other housemates do not.

As a result of living together, Glembocki said she and Hons became best friends in addition to romantic partners. She doesn't need time away from Hons as she thought she would.

"He became my best friend. I didn't need anyone else," said Glembocki (junior-English).

Housemate Jill Leberknight said living with a couple can be fun sometimes, but it also can be hard.

"You have to create some way of dealing with the fact that, to them, each other is sometimes more important than the others in the house," said Leberknight (junior-theater). "Sometimes it can get a little depressing to see a couple together."

Leberknight said all the housemates are equal when it comes to bills and household chores. And because she is friends with both Glembocki and Hons, sometimes she doesn't even remember she's living with a couple.

"I try to be friends with both of them so it's more like living with friends than with a couple," she said.

Hamilton said problems can arise when a couple lives with other roommates.

"I have seen some situations where two women and a man are living together. One of the women and the man are in a relationship and they can kind of gang up against the other roommate," Hamilton said. "The male/female couple ends up siding with each other in disregarding the other roommate."

 



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