Jason Suter has wrestled Tom McGourty thousands and thousands of times -- usually in the middle of the night -- but the match never lasts longer than 36 seconds.

McGourty, just as he did in the finals of the New Jersey state wrestling tournament, pins Suter -- every time.

OK, OK, I feel pretty good . . . I feel good . . . his leg's open . . . I've got it, I've got it, got it . . . oh, we're out of bounds.

Hey, I can take this guy down. I really can take this guy down. There's the whistle. His leg's open . . . I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go. I can take this guy down. Shoot, shoot now.

Oh no, no, too far away. The headlock. He's got me headlocked, not the ankle. I've got to get up. Get up. I've got to get up . . .

If I just would have turned. If I just would have relaxed. If . . .

"That, to me, was one of the most frustrating times I had with wrestling," Suter said. "I wanted to win real bad, I worked to win, and it was not so much that I lost or that I got pinned, but that I didn't get to show that I belonged out there.

"I just go over and over it again, if I just would have reacted this way, if I would have turned, if I would have . . ."

The loss, during his junior year, was Suter's second straight loss in the state finals. During the next year, his last chance for a state championship, he was "scared to death" of losing -- or not even qualifying for -- the final. He'd be known as a three-time loser.

But the losses, especially the pin, motivated Suter, and he won the state title his senior year.

"You pat yourself on the back when you have a good match, but there's only so much of that you can do," Suter said. "Maybe five years from now I'll remember the matches I wrestled well, but for now I only look at the bad things, the things I can work on and improve on. My looking at that shows me I have a lot of work to do."

Suter, like most cocky wrestlers coming out of high school, expected to qualify for the NCAA Touranment as a freshman. Unlike most, he did.

"I didn't realize that there was really any question. I didn't realize that as a freshman I'm not supposed to make it," he said. "Now I know who's good, who's around, what teams are what.

"Wow, I made that as a freshman. I was mad I didn't do better at nationals. Now I look back, I guess I didn't do too bad."

The next year, Suter was ranked in the top eight nationally. He considered himself a shoo-in to qualify for nationals a second time.

Suter made it to the semifinals of the Eastern Wrestling League Tournament, but lost his next three matches by a total of two points -- one match ended in a draw and was decided by criteria. Suter placed sixth.

The rest of the team went to nationals. Suter -- and freshman Matt White -- stayed home.

"At least (White) had an excuse, at least he could say he was a freshman. But here I am, I'm in my third year. I should have been there. There's no doubt in my mind I belong out there, but I didn't even get out.

"How could I have been so stupid to wrestle that way?"

As he reflected on his sophomore year, Suter realized his main weakness, besides in his mind, was wrestling on his feet.

"If Jason has had a shortcoming in his wrestling career it's that he's never fully developed the confidence on his feet and in the offensive position that's necessary in the national tournament," Coach Rich Lorenzo said. "He wants to win a national title, and I believe he can, but that in part is what's held him back."

Last year, Suter thought he put it all together. He started scoring takedowns -- wrestling offensively. He placed second in the EWL Tournament. He earned All-America status.

But looking back, Suter thinks he should have done better than eighth place -- the lowest finishing All-American.

"Things happened in matches and I just let down, and I was just like, 'Oh well, this is good,' instead of giving a little bit extra which could have made the difference," he said.

"Against Robbie Hadden -- the kid's a freshman, I'm a fourth-year junior, and he's taking me down five times in the national tournament. It shouldn't be that way. The only thing that allowed him to do that was me.

"Against Scott Chenoweth -- he didn't beat me bad, but he was beating me 6-0 in the first period. He got the lead and I was thinking this match is over.

"Then it ends up I come back and lose by a point or two, and I could have beat the kid if I would have wrestled."

In this season's first dual meet, Suter wrestled Iowa's Tom Ryan. Suter lost by technical fall, 22-7 at 5:59, in front of 5,366 fans in Rec Hall. He had dropped a weight class. His back hurt. He had a cold.

The coaches didn't care. They called him an embarassment to the Penn State wrestling tradition.

Suter didn't sleep that night.

One and a half months later, Suter and Ryan met again, this time in the semifinals of the national dual meet championships. Another loss like the first one would have ended Penn State's chance at the championship.

Suter talked to himself before the match.

There's no way this guy's going to get me. I'm going to just break his back . . . You got to hit your high crotch, all right, I'm going to get good motion, I can't let him control the tie-ups, he's not going to control the tie-ups . . .

Work center. Work center. Snap. Snap down. Choke him out. I'm going to knock him out . . . Geez, did I close my door at home?

That fucker . . . There's no way he's going to do this again. I can't let the team down, I can't let myself down, I can't let my parents down.

The good Lord's been too good for me to go out there and wrestle that way. He's given me too much to go out there and get killed like that. There's no way he should kill me like that --he's not any bigger than me, he hasn't been wrestling any longer than me, he doesn't know any more than me.

Ryan defeated Suter, 4-3. Suter said he could have won, but he made a mistake on his feet and was taken down. He also said he should have ridden Ryan harder.

Even though he picked up 14 points on Ryan, Suter didn't sleep that night, either.

Three weeks later, Suter, ranked seventh, faced No. 3 Steve Hamilton of Iowa State. Hamilton led, 2-0, going into the third period, but Suter had well over a minute riding time advantage. Suter chose down, his strongest position.

Normally, Suter escapes quickly. This time, he allowed Hamilton to ride him, and he worked for the two-point reversal instead of the one-point escape.

If he rides me a little bit I'll escape with 1:10 riding time, that way he doesn't have as much time to take me down and I can fight him off.

No, that's stupid. I am good on my feet. I can shoot on him and take him down just as well as he can take me down.

Time's wasting, time's wasting. I've got to get two, I've got to get two, instead of just one . . . oh no, he rode out my riding time.

Suter got the escape but lost, 2-1. He didn't sleep that night.

Suter has two meets -- the EWL Tournament and the NCAA Tournament -- remaining in his wrestling career, which began at age 5. He's been ranked seventh in the country at 158 pounds for most of the year, losing to five of the wrestlers ranked above him.

He's also been upset by a few ranked below him. Suter's eight losses this season have caused him eight sleepless nights.

During those sleepless nights, Suter realized he should have prepared his mind, not just his body, for those matches. Now, he said, his mind is ready.

"I'm not going to overlook anybody. That's what happened two years ago --I expected to walk into the finals, at least make it to the finals, and probably win it," Suter said.

"I'm going to go out there with the attitude that this guy's out here to kick my butt, whether he's 0-24 or 24-0. I've just got to be ready for that guy in front of me.

"I've worked, and I'm going to do it this time. And I know I've got to do it, and I know I can do it, I've just got to go out there and show it. And most of all to myself."