When I got up yesterday morning I saw typical miserable March weather. The sky was gray and, as usual here in State College, it looked like it was going to rain at any moment. The weather forecast predicted more cold weather. What a relief.

When it comes to Mother Nature, I don't like surprises. There are few things in life that I can count on as always being the same. One of these is the month of March.

Every March, the weather is cold, wet and miserable, and almost everyone has a month-long bout with depression. When we had that stretch of warm weather last week, I wondered if I was losing my grasp of reality.

One fateful morning last week I looked out my window. I could see throngs of well-tanned students in shorts walking along with eerie, unnaturally happy expressions. Occasionally they waved at people who drove by in jeeps and convertibles.

Confused for a moment, I ran over to check the date on my calendar. Underneath a demented Far Side comic about a driving dog, the month was printed very clearly -- "MARCH."

On the chair next to my bed my thick winter coat and my umbrella lay right where I had put them the night before. I looked at the calendar again -- it still said "MARCH." I decided what I saw outside was merely the product of a not fully awake mind.

I remember thinking that I had to hurry if I wanted to make my next class. So, with my black wool coat on and my umbrella firmly in my grip, I walked out of the dormitory lobby.

The lawn was covered with well-oiled, bikini-clad sunbathers dozing in the morning glare. A shiny new truck drove by blaring The Beach Boys. Barefoot students were walking along the sidewalks eating Creamery ice cream.

No one looked like they had anywhere to go, or they had anything to do except lie in the sun and watch the world go by.

I started to have the weird feeling that I was still dreaming. As I put my hands to my head, a girl in a neon green bikini sat up and glared at me. "Hey, you're blocking my sun. And why are you wearing that coat anyway?"

This couldn't be happening. It was all some cruel hoax.

In State College, March is the time when the last bits of winter snow are still stuck in icy clumps on the sidewalks. And later, there is Mud . . . Mud on your sneakers . . . Mud all over the sidewalks . . . and huge ruts of Mud torn into the grass from bicycles. Every day is gray, and if it is not cold outside, it rains. Usually both happen.

This is not to say I dislike March. Actually, there are quite a few good things about the wretched weather.

It's a poetic time of year. If you ever aspire to compose pathetic verse about death, misery and madness you can do it in March when outside, the weather is as pleasant as six-day-old oatmeal.

It's also a good time of the year to get things done. Schoolwork is easier to do if the alternative is facing the weather.

But most of all, it's an important time of year because it is always the same. Every year people wonder how one month can be so miserable. It's comforting just because of its consistency.

As I stood in the grass mulling this over I heard a voice shout, "Hey you in the coat, duck!"

"What?" I shouted as I turned around. A Frisbee hit me in the face.

"You should look where you're going," said a girl in a electric pink midriff shirt.

I stared into her opaque sunglasses "Don't you have a class to go to?" She favored me with a blank look.

"Class?"she said. And with a sorry shake of her head she turned to walk away. "My God," she said, "You must be hot in that coat."

I felt totally alone and disoriented. Overnight the whole campus had been transformed into a huge resort filled with tanning vacationers. Their greatest worry was obtaining a good spot on the grass so they would tan evenly.

And class? Who even knew if they were even having class anymore. I broke out into a fine sweat (of course, I was still wearing my winter coat.)

After finding another spot on the grass I sat down feeling confused and miserable. A perfect blue sky with small fluffy clouds was overhead. The sunlight streamed and birds sang in the treetops. A fat furry bunny hopped up alongside of me and gave me a long unbearably cut look with its big brown eyes. I snapped.

"Go back and hibernate somewhere you filthy rodent!" I screamed as I tried to club it with my now useless umbrella. It scampered away unharmed.

As I stood swearing at the bush that the rabbit had escaped under, a friend of mine came up behind me.

"Are you OK? You look like you are awfully warm in that coat." I turned to scream at her.

"There's nothing wrong with my coat! It's March! I'm supposed to wear a coat!"I stomped away, late to class, cursing my lousy luck for leading such a weird life.

But thankfully, the weather has returned to its normal soupiness. Beautiful weather in March was too surreal for me.