My parents, friends and boyfriend know one simple fact about me - - I am concerned about my personal safety.

In my purse, I carry a can of Mace and a flashlight; both of which were "gifts" from my parents. My boyfriend once spent an evening in my apartment teaching me and my roommate self-defense maneuvers.

When I walk alone at night to my car, I carry the Mace in one hand, the flashlight and my keys in the other.

I walk on the part of the sidewalk closest to the road, avoiding shrubbery, large trees and darkened doorways. I mentally review those self-defense techniques as I approach my car, which I park as close to the street as possible.

As I reach the car, I glance around to assure myself I am not being followed or watched. Then I quickly aim the tiny blue flashlight at the lock, insert the key, open the door, search the back seat for hidden attackers, slide behind the steering wheel, close and relock the door, and finally start the engine. The very last thing I do is release the Mace from my hand.

I often wonder, however, if those safety measures would really work if I found myself threatened with violence. Would Mace in an attacker's face really blind him while I made an escape?

If I were pulled into an alley, would I be strong enough to break a man's foot or quick enough to smash my knee into his groin?

What would I do if I got to my car safely and arrived at my apartment only to find a burglar inside? What good are all my safety precautions if someone breaks into my home while I am sound asleep?

In a society in which a woman has a 73 percent chance of being a victim of a violent crime at some point in her life, as indicated by the 1987 Bureau of Justice Statistics' National Survey, I would be naive if I thought nothing could happen to me because I live in a small town or because I have nothing of real value in my apartment.

With the fact that one-third of all rapes occur in the victim's home, I would consider myself crazy if I did not give at least some thought to how I would protect myself in a life-threatening situation.

For those reasons, I have considered purchasing and learning how to use a gun. I am still in the process of weighing the pros and cons of taking such a serious step in self-defense.

But I have come to the conclusion that the decision I must make is not between owning a gun and not owning one. It is a question of emerging victor or victim following a criminal assault.

In the United States, according to the Bureau of Justice survey, one in four families will be the victim of a violent crime, and in the past 20 years the incidences of rape, robbery and homicide have doubled.

But because of overcrowded prisons and failure by victims to report crimes such as rape, only four criminals go to prison for every 100 serious crimes committed.

It is frightening to realize that the average prison sentence has declined 32 percent since 1960. A criminal sentenced to 63 months in 1960 would receive a 48-month sentence for the same crime in 1985. And a criminal sentenced to life in prison will serve an average of only 13 years before returning to the streets to possibly repeat a crime.

I have never held a gun. I do not know what a gun would feel like resting in my palm. I do not know how I would react when I first pulled the trigger.

The fact remains, however, that the incidence of violent crimes, especially those against women, are increasing, and more and more women are resorting to guns in order to defend themselves against the reality of those statistics.

From 1983 to 1986, gun ownership among women rose 53 percent, bringing the total of female handgun owners to 12 million, according to a Gallup Poll conducted by Smith and Wesson in 1988.

About 42 million women in the United States (46 percent) have access to these weapons.

The number of women who own handguns began rising in the 1970s when women began a movement toward a type of independence.

They began living alone, finding jobs outside the home and making enough money to live comfortably on their own. Consequently, they found themselves targets of not only rapists, but robbers and murderers as well.

Faced with that type of violence, I would want a gun as protection.

But am I really prepared to kill? I realize the responsibility that comes with owning a gun. In order to truly defend myself, I must not only own the weapon; I must know how to fire it accurately.

In a violent situation, according to the Center to Prevent Handgun Violence located in Washington, D.C., I would have less than a second to find the gun, locate my target and shoot. If I am not capable of doing that, the attacker will get even more violent because of the presence of a weapon.

The decision to acquire a gun is much more than a matter of saying, "Yes, I want one," or "No, I don't want one." The responsibilities and consequences that accompany buying such a powerful and potentially deadly weapon are great and must be realized before the purchase is made.

I do not know if I am prepared to accept those responsibilities and consequences, but I do know that I am not prepared to be a victim.