Dec. 19, 1989 was a special day. Twenty-first birthdays come only once and this birthday brought a special present.

No, not the traditional bar tour. It was something much better.

My parents sprung for supper in the evening, but the early afternoon is the time I'll always remember. That's when the Pennsylvania State University provided the best birthday present ever. It was the funniest thing I'd ever heard.

Penn State would be joining the Big 10 athletic conference for "academic reasons."

While the announcement itself came as somewhat of a shock, the reason given for the new partnership was hilarious. How the people at the press conference refrained from laughing I'll never know.

What would academics have to do with the University forsaking its ties with Eastern athletics and joining the Big 10?

On Dec. 19, President Jordan addressed that same question with his opening remarks at the press conference.

He spoke for five minutes and stressed that all Big 10 member universities have "much in common academically" with Penn State.

He pointed out that Penn State, like several Big 10 schools, was a member of the Alliance for Undergraduate Education. He noted that Penn State and all of the Big 10 schools had been elected to the Association of American Universities.

He compared the amount Penn State spends for research to what Big 10 schools spend. He said several Big 10 schools were, like Penn State, fine land-grant institutions.

Stanley O. Ikenberry, president of the Council of 10, which officially extended the invitation, and Penn State Athletic Director Jim Tarman towed the same line.

All things considered, they would have been better off saying, "No comment." At least they would have been telling the truth.

That University and Big 10 officials expected the public to believe what they were saying is not only comical but also borders on insulting.

All the comparisons anyone could make between Penn State and its educational counterparts in the Big 10 would not change the fact that the University joined the conference to increase its athletic revenues.

First of all, if Penn State already compares favorably with Big 10 institutions in research funding, how will being in an athletic conference with those schools increase that funding or improve Penn State's academic reputation? Prior to this new alliance, the University was already considered one of the "public Ivys."

Are Big 10 schools better academically than Ivy League schools? And, if not, why didn't Penn State join the Ivy League? That would surely improve the University academically, right?

Second, Dr. Jordan said Penn State's membership in the Association of American Universities is its most prized membership because it shows "what the University is and what it can be." Wouldn't that membership alone place Penn State in the academic league with Big 10 schools?

Currently one revenue-producing sport supports Penn State's 28-sport athletic program -- football. The team's home games, gate receipts from away games, TV agreements and bowl appearances produce the money needed to support the entire program. If the team had an off year, all sports would eventually feel the pinch.

For example, the Lions went 6-5 in 1984 and stayed at home during the bowl season. Two years later, several non-revenue sports were regrouping because they lost scholarship and travel money.

University athletic officials know joining the Big 10 would permanently solve that problem. It would be solved because the Big 10 practices revenue sharing.

Last season eight of the Big 10 basketball teams participated in postseason play (five in the NCAA tournament, three in the NIT). As the schools advanced in their respective tournaments, each athletic department made more money.

Due to the revenue-sharing process, however, each school kept only half of what it made and the remainder was divided evenly among all schools in the conference. Because of that, each school -- even Northwestern which finished the season 9-19 -- had a self-supporting basketball program.

By joining the Big 10, Penn State's basketball program would benefit in the same manner. And, through that same revenue-sharing process, the football team would produce about the same revenue it does now.

So, instead of football supporting the other 27 intercollegiate teams, basketball would be doing its share as well.

Increased travel associated with joining the Big 10 marks another reason Penn State did not make the move because of "academic reasons." Evidently, the University cares so much about the time constraints placed on athletes that it's willing to inflict longer bus and plane rides to encourage better study habits.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I appreciate my present from the University. It's one of those gifts I never really wanted, but at least it's good for a laugh.