SAN DIEGO -- Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, welcome to the 1989 Sea World Holiday Bowl, the zaniest show on earth. We've got dancing clowns and knife jugglers and two-point conversions on two-point conversions.

We've got bands and parachute jumpers and more bands and frisbee- catching dogs and still more bands and Bryce Jordan in a parade. We've even got Penn State's defense-and-special-teams coach leading the charge toward 50 points. Fifty points?!

It's No. 32 by land and No. 14 by air. It's 1,000 yards of offense in a 4½-hour game. Oxygen masks and paper bags are available to those who hyperventilate easily. Don't blink, because away we go.

Actually, Cirque du Holiday began Thursday, Dec. 28, with the rain and earthquakes. About 10 tremors -- one registering 4.8 -- struck just north of San Diego early Thursday morning, followed by a half- inch of cloud-seeded rain later that afternoon.

The carnival ended about 9:30 Friday night at Jack Murphy Stadium. A trio of receivers -- Dave Daniels, Terry Smith and O.J. McDuffie -- engaged in a sky-high-tri-five and then rained Gatorade on their coach.

"It was great," Daniels said. "It was freezing cold and we got it all over him and it was dripping off his glasses. It's been a while since he's been doused like that."

In between all that was a three-ring circus at halftime and a four- quarter circus on the field. The lead changed hands five times, the teams scored 17 different times and they came up with a handful of the oddest plays you'll ever see. When the dust settled -- and there was a lot of it -- Penn State escaped with a 50-39 victory over Brigham Young that could be described only as "Wow!"

In the left ring, ladies and gentlemen, witness the grace and skill of the United Sports Association Competitive Gymnastics team trampoline and tumbling act. Watch our 5-year-old gymnasts leap and flip onto their partners' shoulders. They'll tumble into your hearts. What a spectacle.

Grace and skill aside, trampoline-bouncing 5-year-olds were an odd sight, really. As were many of the plays this bowl game offered.

How about the sight of Daniels catching a ball for a touchdown that bounced off his head? Or Smith lining up uncovered and catching a TD pass? Or Andre Collins? Or Gary Brown?

"That was as screwy a ballgame as I've even been involved in," BYU coach LaVell Edwards said after it all.

Sure was, coach. Can you explain why your 300-pound Outland Trophy winner Mohammed Elewonibi couldn't bury the 190-pound Brown? Or why "Mount Mohammed" had to leave the game because he got kicked in the leg? Or why he consistently was on his butt while a play was still going?

No? Then let's get a shot of it from the Fuji blimp, featuring Mary the Only Female Blimp Pilot in North America.

There were strange sounds, too. After Blair Thomas' seven-yard touchdown run gave the Lions a 35-26 lead in the fourth quarter, the BYU band -- perhaps unknowing of the irony -- played "You've Lost that Loving Feeling."

But it redeemed itself when the Cougars were charging downfield late in fourth quarter with the score 43-39. The band turned in a goosebump- producing rendition of the theme from Star Wars, which whipped the fans into a frenzy.

"A nice, quiet, conservative game," Coach Joe Paterno said.

In the center ring please welcome the amazing Raspyni Brothers, who will thrill and delight you with their death-defying juggling act. Watch them throw knives at each other from 10 paces. See them hurl fiery torches through the air and hope they don't miss.

It'll scare you! It'll dazzle you! You'll cover your eyes in fear and peek in amazement.

Sort of like watching Penn State's offense walk a tightrope on its way to a 50-point performance. Somehow, the Lions marched up and down the field, picking up 464 yards in total offense. With fear and amazement, we watched.

"It was incredible," Daniels gasped. "It was like we could score anytime we wanted to."

Incredible, indeed. Penn State's 50 points would have beaten a total of six teams -- Pitt, WVU, Syracuse, Rutgers, BC and Temple -- with 10 points to apply to the Alabama and Maryland games.

On the ground Thomas was as surefooted as ever (35 carries for 186 yards), but what about fullback Leroy Thompson? He revived Penn State's two-back system by running for 69 key yards, including two TDs.

"L.T., L.T." safety Sherrod Rainge shouted as Thomas and Detmer posed for cameras.

Everyone had a hand in the offensive show. Seven different players caught passes and two players completed them. Quarterback Tony Sacca had his best outing of the season (10-for-20 for 206 yards and two touchdowns), but Terry Smith had a better percentage. He went 1-for- 1 -- a nine-yard completion to backup cornerback Tisen Thomas on a fake punt.

"Hey, (Detmer) completed 40 passes, you got one," assistant coach Tom Bradley told Smith after the game.

"That's right," Smith replied. "I was 1-for-1."

And in the ring on the far right we have the Flying Disc Freestylers and the Canine Comets, world-renowned for their dazzling frisbee displays. Watch the Freestylers as they whirl and twirl frisbees like you've never seen before. And keep your eyes on the Comets as they make catches you didn't think possible.

They'll leave you breathless.

Detmer and his arsenal of receivers never failed to amaze, either.

"He threw for three miles," Paterno cracked.

The actual number was one-third mile, but the sentiment was correct. With 42 completions in 59 attempts for 576 yards, Detmer shredded the Penn State defense like no other quarterback.

"He's ridiculous," Smith said. "He's way beyond good."

Somebody asked Paterno to compare the BYU sophomore to former Pitt star Dan Marino.

"Detmer does compare to Marino," Paterno said, "but Marino never had a game quite like this."

As the numbers show, Detmer had plenty of receivers. Leading the charge were Matt Bellini (10 catches for 124 yards), Andy Boyce (eight for 127 and a TD), Brent Nyberg (eight for 117 and a TD) and Chris Smith (six for 74). They ran out patterns mostly, but occasionally found seams over the middle and downfield. They were almost always open.

"That's a big-league passing game right there," Paterno said.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the clear San Diego sky above you as we present a spectacular fireworks display to close our halftime show. A rousing finish to quite a spectacle.

The fourth quarter of the Holiday Bowl, the best quarter of Penn State football all season, was an even greater fireworks show. The teams scored six times, bouncing back and forth like necks at a tennis match.

The score of that period -- 21-13 -- resembled a traditional Penn State game, but it was so much more memorable.

Detmer's 241 yards passing. Daniels' catch. Collins' interception and 102-yard runback for two points. Brown's steal and TD run.

"Those were two of the craziest plays I've been involved with," Paterno explained. "That must have been a great game to watch, but it's not exactly my style."

After it all, a bundle of images remained: the sight of reserve offensive lineman Dave Brzenchek, after the first start of his career, limping on his right leg and bleeding from his left; or defensive lineman Rich Schonewolf celebrating by thrusting his right arm in the air (his left was in a sling); or Thomas and Detmer, the stars, sweating and smiling for the cameras.

And Paterno, still dripping with Gatorade, finding players to hug.

"What an amazing win," Smith said.