Someone has the head of Edwin Erle Sparks.

Ever since it was stolen from the Sparks Building last semester, the Penn State University has been looking for the late Penn State president's bronze bust. The bust, atop its marble pedestal, formerly greeted students, parents, and alumni into that building's large entranceway.

No longer.

"WANTED: The bust of Edwin Erle Sparks returned to the lobby of Sparks Building. Will pick up, if necessary. Bill, 865-9557"

This was the way its retrieval has been advertised for in this newspaper -- short and to the point with no strings (i.e. prosecution) attached.

I'd call if I had it. Unfortunately, no reaction has followed from these ads by those who took it.

"Not a peep," is the way William Loop, assistant to the Dean of the Liberal Arts College, describes the response to the advertisements. Loop started placing the ads at the end of the last semester in an effort to retrieve the apparently 'one-of-a-kind' statuary bust. He noted in a recent interview that getting the bust off of the pedestal was no mean task. It apparently took some planning for whoever did it -- as Loop relates.

"They wrenched it free. It was anchored to the marble pedestal. Bolted. They had to tear the bolt from the pedestal. A couple people could carry him. It probably took some work to get it free from the pedestal," he said.

Amazing what students can do with a free weekend and little beer, huh? So, how much did this little caper cost the University (i.e. us)? I asked Mr. Loop about what he thought.

"Well, that's hard to say. It probably has more sentimental value than monetary value, but I would still value it at $400 or $500.

There isn't any intrinsic value, I don't think, unless somebody knew Edwin Erle Sparks and how he figured into the Penn State University," Loop said.

Damage to University buildings and areas has led to big costs across the board. Unfortunately these damages are commonly caused by people "just screwing around."

This kind of vandalism really could be eliminated with a little common sense.

Last year my dorm house had to pay about $16 dollars over our deposit for breakage of house property. And, I'd bet money that no one from my floor did the damage. Snyder, McKean and Stone Halls just happen to be the closest bathrooms for the football patrons using the parking lots located behind the IM buildings.

And we all know what a few football fans can do with a free weekend and a little beer.

Has the University ever thought of using "Ed's Heads" for these remote parking areas? They are clean, efficient, recognizable and probably cost less than the yearly bathroom damages residents of those three halls must pay.

It's just a thought.

So, tuition might have increased this year for more reasons than the state's small budget appropriation.

Loop supports the fact that a lot of damage has been left unclaimed by anyone -- student or otherwise.

"I thought at the time that it was a prank. A couple of years ago a portrait (of Sparks) that hangs in the foyer was taken: A patrol found it at the end of the spring semester," he said.

The bust, however, is proving more difficult to track down.

"I found out (about it) in the middle of the semester. We thought that it might pop up routinely -- maybe janitors would find it, near a dumpster, in a hallway or something like that. (So we ran the ads) -- but before students left (to) try to encourage them if they had it, to call me up," he said.

So where is it and who has it?

"I doubt if it is in any of the dormitories. Dorms of course were cleaned out. I don't think anybody would have taken it home. Clearly, if it was in the dorms we would have heard about it by now.

"Another option, of course, is that it might be downtown somewhere in an apartment or fraternity house. Which is really why, again, that I am running the ad and if people have it somewhere we'd really like to get the damn thing back," Loop said.

Anyway look at you it, the University is out one decent looking statue and/or $500. But this is where the beauty of Loop's request comes into play.

I think the best thing about the search for this bust of Mr. Sparks is that Loop has said that no charges will be filed against those who took it.

"It's not our intention to prosecute," he said.

So whoever took it screwed up, but has been given the reprieve of returning it without punishment -- a rarity in University policies, believe me.

My suggestion?

Rip the top hat off of it, take back your RayBans, wipe off the lipstick, remove the Penn State boxer shorts you wrapped around his ears and finally -- please -- take Edwin down from the television set.

Now is your chance to get out of hock by returning it. Edwin would want it that way.